Also known as Knewbuntu, Pneubuntu or Gnubuntu depending on your preference of silent letters.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Cultural Learnings of Germany for Make Better Glorious Nation of Canada

Before I begin (though I guess I already started), Borat was way better than Brüno. That is all.

Anyways, when I was in Germany, I noticed many things which Canada could greatly benefit from. The reason that I only realized that they exist on this trip is the fact that I wasn't tall enough to see them the last time I was in Germany. I was a short child. But enough about my height deficiency. Here are some things Canada could really make use of.

  1. Toilets with TWO flush buttons - Though this may seem like overkill, it helps when you just want to practice your death metal drumming while you're on the loo, and you desperately need a double bass pedal. Am I really the only one that does that? No, that is not the real reason that there are two buttons. I was just kidding. Haha. It was funny. ANYWAY, the real reason that there are two buttons is that one button releases less water than the other. So if you, say, peed a little, you would press that one. That way toilets use less water!
  2. Bikes - Yes, Canada does have bikes. But who actually uses them often? In my uncle's apartment building, for example, every single inhabitant bikes to work, except for one who can't bike any more because he hurt himself while, wait for it, biking to work. I will admit that distances are further in Canada, but North Americans in general do completely overuse their cars.
  3. Diesel - Honestly, North America, what is with you? Diesel is cleaner, easier and cheaper to produce, and has a better MPG rating then normal petrol. So why do you hate it so much? Yeah, diesel cars used to suck, but they don't any more!
  4. High gas prices - If people saw gas prices in the range of $2, would they be so keen on driving? I think not. In Europe, gas prices are much higher due to things like carbon taxes and the like, so people drive less. It's that easy.
  5. Roads that are specifically intended to be *gasp* CAR-FREE - Yeah, here's a shocker. In many old cities around Europe, they put concrete pylons up so that people can't just drive around. Hmm, let's see what would happen if they transposed that concept to the centre of Toronto...
You may notice that most of this list revolves around environmental things. Hmm...maybe that has something to do with the fact that Canada and the USA are the second worst and worst per capita polluters in the world respectively. Nah, who am I kidding. I'm just a guy that likes the idea of 'socialized' health care after all, I must not have a brain!



lyrical charlatan said...

The toilets in China are also equipped with two flushing buttons, and yeah it's fun to drum on them while you're bored. :P I mean... only morons do that.

Having car-less roads would be chaos...

Manda said...

Europe is just better at everything than North America :P

Shiying! said...

Psst. The Distillery district is right in the core, and is pedestrian only. :D

There's also a lot of things in Europe I hope never catches on in North America. Like 8 euros for a bunch of grapes. I'll just give up on food then..