Cultural Learnings of Germany for Make Better Glorious Nation of Canada

Before I begin (though I guess I already started), Borat was way better than Brüno. That is all.

Anyways, when I was in Germany, I noticed many things which Canada could greatly benefit from. The reason that I only realized that they exist on this trip is the fact that I wasn't tall enough to see them the last time I was in Germany. I was a short child. But enough about my height deficiency. Here are some things Canada could really make use of.

1. Toilets with TWO flush buttons - Though this may seem like overkill, it helps when you just want to practice your death metal drumming while you're on the loo, and you desperately need a double bass pedal. Am I really the only one that does that? No, that is not the real reason that there are two buttons. I was just kidding. Haha. It was funny. ANYWAY, the real reason that there are two buttons is that one button releases less water than the other. So if you, say, peed a little, you would press that one. That way toilets use less water!
2. Bikes - Yes, Canada does have bikes. But who actually uses them often? In my uncle's apartment building, for example, every single inhabitant bikes to work, except for one who can't bike any more because he hurt himself while, wait for it, biking to work. I will admit that distances are further in Canada, but North Americans in general do completely overuse their cars.
3. Diesel - Honestly, North America, what is with you? Diesel is cleaner, easier and cheaper to produce, and has a better MPG rating then normal petrol. So why do you hate it so much? Yeah, diesel cars used to suck, but they don't any more!
4. High gas prices - If people saw gas prices in the range of $2, would they be so keen on driving? I think not. In Europe, gas prices are much higher due to things like carbon taxes and the like, so people drive less. It's that easy.
5. Roads that are specifically intended to be *gasp* CAR-FREE - Yeah, here's a shocker. In many old cities around Europe, they put concrete pylons up so that people can't just drive around. Hmm, let's see what would happen if they transposed that concept to the centre of Toronto...

You may notice that most of this list revolves around environmental things. Hmm...maybe that has something to do with the fact that Canada and the USA are the second worst and worst per capita polluters in the world respectively. Nah, who am I kidding. I'm just a guy that likes the idea of 'socialized' health care after all, I must not have a brain!

~Setsanto

Of Organization and Planning

I have been in Germany these past few days, which has been a few days of many, many, many firsts. Since I have been in Germany, their sense of organization and control has rubbed off on me; therefore, the rest of this post will proceed buy way of ordered and unordered lists! :D

1. My first wedding - Yes, believe it or not, I have actually never been to a wedding. In fact, I realized that I'd better go to at least a couple more, and soon, since I've actually been to way more funerals then weddings. This wedding involved my uncle, Ulf, being married to a very nice woman named Martina. I enjoyed it thoroughly (the actual getting married bit that is)!


2. My first time getting drunk - Yes, it is true. I got drunk. But not by choice! You see, I find the taste of alcohol to be utterly revolting, and was actually adult-pressured into getting drunk by my aforementioned uncle. Also, since he knew I was an inexperienced drinker, it was decided that shots would be the best way to get me going. So yeah. And one more short note, the following firsts are all directly related to to this one.


3. My first time singing an entire Michael Jackson album out loud - Some time between 23:00, when the official dinner ended and everyone made their way to the bar/dance floot, and 4:30, when I left the dance (the last drunken souls staggered to their respective rooms at the late early hour of 7:00), I did in fact complete this feat. I was quite proud of myself to be honest! The album of choice was the "Bad" album, which is, believe it or not, actually a very excellent album. My favourite song on that album has to be "Man in the Mirror", as evidenced by the fact that I sung it no less than 7 times, or so I am told.


4. My first time dancing with another man - This is a bit of an interesting one. You see, my dance partner was a 38-year old man named Steven, from Alaska (an interesting side note, he went to the same high school as Sarah Palin), who was the photographer at the wedding. And he was the most utterly gay-and-proud-of-it man I have ever met. The way this dancing thing came up was like this: it was about 2:30, and all those present were very, very wasted (they were all drinking vodka as if it was beer). I had been chatting with Steven for much of the night, and had been acting as his assistant since most people there spoke almost no English, and he spoke very little German, so I was sort of the translator for the night. He quickly picked up on the fact that there were many homophobes there that night, but that I was not one of them by any means. So at 2:30 he looked at me and said, "It looks like we're just about done...want to scare these people to bits?" Now you must understand that I was drunk thanks to my uncle's...guidance, and therefore forgot that certain people such as my grandparents, my uncle and my entire loosely related family-in-law were in attendance. So I said "Sure, what did you have in mind?" And that is where this plan came into fruition. We did what I believe is commonly known as "Brought the house down". But yeah, basically everyone loved it, and I also sort of waltzed for the first time ever! But soon I had to go to bed. Which leads me to my last point.


5. My first time waking up with a hangover - ...Oh man. I can see where the complaints come from. It was not very good. And I am never going to a party hosted by my uncle ever again! The typical morning problems were compounded by the fact that my uncle was kind enough to leave a prayer alarm clock outside of my family's room, which resulted in a wonderful wakeup call in the form of being called to pray to Allah at 8:30.

I realize that I ramble on a little bit in this post. I will endeavour to organize my thoughts more clearly in the future, perhaps with another, slightly less alcohol-focused, blog post about my time in Germany.

~Setsanto